Texting and phone calls were not an unusual form of communication between our birthmother and me. We had grown quite close and talked almost weekly. I continued to send pictures and updates. We invited her and her family to Katelynn's baptism. They even came a day early so they could spend some uninterrupted time with us.
One October morning, shortly before I returned to work from maternity leave, I received a text from our birthmother asking if I could talk. It is hard to explain, but I immediately got a feeling in my stomach telling me that this was going to be a life-changing conversation. I texted her back and told her to call whenever she could. The conversation that followed contained a message that was more shocking than I had even anticipated.
She was crying. She was scared. She was looking for a non-judgmental listener. She was pregnant....again.
She wanted to parent this baby. I spoke calmly to her, telling her that she was going to be okay. After all that she had just been through, I couldn't even come close to comprehending how she was feeling at this moment. Her mind was so scattered. She was scared to tell her family. I was the first person she had told. That made my heart break. This poor girl was in a tough situation and the first person that she thought to call was not her mother, not her best friend, but the adoptive mother of her first child. She had to go back to school and she said she would call me later to let me know how she was doing.
When you struggle with fertility it is difficult to remember just how easy getting pregnant can be for some people. I did have to sit back at that moment and think back to being in high school when a pregnancy seemed to be the end of life as I knew it. This reflecting helped me to understand her thought process over the next few days as she contemplated the outcome of this pregnancy.