I Do See Me!

One of the biggest issues we had with infertility is the same issue we had difficulty accepting when we chose adoption -- that we would never be able to look at our children and say:
She has your eyes, and my smile. Her ears are crooked like yours are, and she has small hands like my family.
We would never be able to look at our children and find small pieces of each other.


During that grieving time, it didn't occur to me how much our children would resemble us -- not necessarily in the physical aspect (although I am told frequently that Kate and Neddy look just like me. Apparently I have red hair? Or maybe I just drool a lot?) 


Regardless, everyday I look at my children and see myself (scary to think that the world could handle more than one of me) or my husband.




Exhibit A:

Kate reminds me of Daddy with her "fashion sense." She loves accessories and the use of color. Her father also has a style all his own.

Exhibit B:

(Yes, this is the beginning of a tantrum because Kate is unable to tip her straw cup and still get milk from it. Clearly it is the fault of the milk cup for not allowing her to do what she wants. Next step was chucking it across the room with a Karate-style hi-ya!)

Kate is incredibly stubborn, opinionated, confident, smart, quick-witted, with a strong personality. (I will give you one guess as to who that resembles...)

Exhibit C:

Neddy is very independent, fearless, and tough. She is the baby sister and gets bumped around A LOT but bounces right back like nothing happened. She explores the house (and makes big messes) without a care in the world.

Exhibit D:

Look at that beautiful smile! Only one other person in this world can make me feel that happy just by smiling...her daddy!

Regardless of the fact that I will never see crooked ears or small hands that we passed onto these two beautiful girls. There is no denying that these ARE our babies.

Number 1

Some mornings I wake up and I have a pity party for myself. This is probably something that I should keep to myself, but you are all friends and family and I am sure at one time or another you've done the same thing. My pity party for one is usually just that -- I feel alone. I feel like no one wants to be with me. 


As I was getting ready for work -- Brent was already gone, Mary was not here, I was doing my "mothering" duties around the house-- I was starting to feel sorry for myself.
I don't feel like number 1 anymore in anyone's life. I feel like if my husband could hang out with someone else without experiencing the backlash from me, he would do that. I feel like my parents would rather be with their significant others. My siblings are busy. My friends would rather be with their families or other friends. Even my children are asking for someone else: Yaya (Grandma), Katty (sitter) and even the dah-ter (Kate is recently obsessed with the doctor).


Of course I am being dramatic and overly sensitive but I am entitled to that every once in awhile. Right?


And then, right there in the middle of my "party," I had an epiphany.


I wonder how many times a day I make God feel this way?

If you think my hands are full...

So I haven't been doing a very good job with that New Year's Resolution of spending more time on my health and wellness. 
Exercise consists of "racing" Kate and her bike down the driveway and throwing Neddy over my head. 
Healthy eating has become BAKED Lays instead of full-on fat Lays and maybe just one Mountain Dew during the day instead of two. 
And, well you probably noticed, my writing has not been for my beloved blog but more limited to the stories I compose in my classroom -- most recently a persuasive letter to the principal on why we need more playground equipment.


Life got the best of me again!


So in this very brief blog post I just wanted to share with you a quote (from I don't know where) that sums up my life at this very moment:


If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart!

How can you not love those red-headed angels!?