Wednesday, August 10, 2011

A Hard Pill to Swallow

So, I waited patiently (or as patiently as a high-strung person can wait) for our birthmother to try and get her life in order. Each night that she called I tried to be as impartial as possible trying to help her think things through on her own. Each night that I talked to her she didn't seem to make much progress on the goals she set for herself and my hopes got higher and higher.

I then began to wonder, if I were in this situation what would be the best thing for me? I came to the conclusion that we needed to schedule a visit. She needed to realize how much work goes into having a child ...especially on your own. She also needed to remember that choosing adoption doesn't mean that you have to say good-bye; it means you will say see you later. I called her and set up a visit for the middle of March. We were going to meet at my dad's house and she was going to come with birthfather's family.

A week before our scheduled visit, birthfather's aunt called to get directions. She mentioned how they had spent the whole day shopping and looking at baby items. I thought it was kind of strange. An hour later, my husband and I were sitting on the couch and my phone rang. It was our birthmother.

"I have made a decision. I have decided that I want to TRY to parent this baby." Tears filled my eyes but I had to try to keep my voice from cracking. I didn't want her to know that I was heart broken. She needed to feel love and support because she had a long road ahead of her.

My husband comforted me and kept saying, "She will change her mind. I am not worried. Don't stress. This isn't done. I know this baby will end up with us." I am glad he had hope because I certainly didn't.

With the visit scheduled for the following week, I received a lot of advice from family and friends -- most telling me that I should cancel. As much as I didn't want to go, I had to do this for our daughter. She has the right to know her birthfamilies and I made a promise that I would do everything in my power to maintain that connection for her sake. It would have been selfish of me to cancel.

My husband was unable to come for that visit because he had to work. I had to choose a co-pilot that would help me stay calm, reasonable, and keep my mind on my goal for the visit. There was no better person than my sister-in-law, Brent's twin. The visit couldn't have gone better, thanks to her. She helped me stay calm and strong -- even when our birthmother showed us ultrasound photos of the baby that I thought was going to be mine. She also helped me analyze every minute of the conversation on the drive home and provided a laugh or two.

Even though life wasn't going the way I had hoped, I still had so much to be thankful for -- like an amazing, supportive family!

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