I have read lots of literature and blog posts about loving myself regardless of my shape. I know I need to stop taking myself out of the picture until I lose those unwanted pounds. I know I need to teach myself to love my body so my kids can learn to not be so critical of theirs. THIS IS HARD!
I am a woman growing up in a society that places so much pressure on females to have unrealistic/unhealthy bodies.
When I look in the mirror, I only see that extra layer -- muffin top around my tummy. I only see the additional chin when I look at pictures of me smiling. I feel my jeans are just a little more snug than the last time I wore them -- although I blame that on the dryer. I feel my underarm jiggling for an eternity after I have finished waving goodbye. I see and feel all of these things (and more flaws) and I am disgusted.
One of the perks of having two beautiful girls is that they look adorable in whatever I put them in! Their little extra pudge or wild hair only adds to their cuteness. So when I am feeling yucky, I tend to overcompensate with their fluffy dresses and ruffled tights.
Easter Sunday I was feeling especially unattractive (I realize this is not what Easter Sunday is about so bear with me.) Tried on one dress and hated it. Put on a second and would have probably tried a third/fourth/fifth if I had time (hubby was already tapping his watch and pacing) and more dress options. Like every morning, I glanced in the mirror and saw only the flaws. I scowled and whisked our family into the car for church. The girls were dressed to the nines so I was assured no one would even notice me -- another perk of toting around cute kids.
As I sat in church and prayed that the kids would behave, Kate asked to snuggle. I picked her up and sat her fluffy dress on my lap and joined in the hymn. She grabbed my cheeks and looked me in the eyes. She gasped and said, "You're reawwy beautiful, Mom!" Oh! My divine intervention!
She doesn't just see flaws. She sees ME. She sees all of me and thinks I am beautiful.
Right there my prayer changed. I began to pray that I can see myself the way my girls see me. I am posting this because I know this is an uphill battle and I will need a reminder (probably daily) to focus on looking at myself through her eyes.