Shortly after the struggle to have children began, we jumped on the Invitro-Train. My husband and I were both poked and prodded to find out the "source" of our troubles. No one had any really satisfying answers. In fact, when I asked my doctor why this was happening to my body, he said, "Do you smoke? No? Well then it must be heredity." Are you kidding me, doctor? My family is about as fertile as they come!
It was the week of our final check-up at the infertility clinic. A huge snowstorm (as is usually the case in Wisconsin) was supposed to be arriving the very day we were to travel to Chicago. We were getting pretty burnt out on appointments. We had just found out at our last appointment that we had a less than 20% chance of being successful with invitro. $17,000 for a 20% chance. I am not a gambling woman by nature so I started to look at other options.
I signed us up for an information meeting at Bethany Christian Services. As we both left the meeting, we agreed that we felt compelled to explore adoption further. We canceled our appointment at the fertility clinic and have been on the Adoption Rollercoaster ever since.
And everyone was happy with their decision and we lived happily ever after....eh! I don't think so! You see, I am a very stubborn person. I still was struggling with why God would not let me have things my way. I just wanted to be pregnant and have a baby like He intended. I was very angry, especially when I saw all of these young, unwed mothers carrying babies on their hips. The awful and unwanted advice from others didn't help either -- "Maybe God doesn't want you to be a mother." "You are so lucky you don't have to be pregnant." "It will all work out according to His plan." If you are a friend of an infertile person, THESE ARE NOT COMFORTING! DON'T SAY THEM!
It took my beautiful, God-loving Godmother to help me see the light. (I am very close with my Aunties and they often advise me when I need it). My Godmother helped me realize that God was trying to use my strengths. She told me, "God knows you have the ability to love ALL children. That is why he has chosen adoption for you. He knows not all people are able to do that." Thank you, Auntie Joanie!
I still think of that advice on days that I am struggling with my life's path.