Thursday, June 7, 2012

Fantasy Bike Ride

First off, I should tell you that no, this post has nothing to do with Christian Grey. So if that is what you were expecting, stop reading now. (Heh, Heh, Heh)

This post is just a reminder to me that most things do not turn out the way that I had planned. Some things turn out better than what I had planned. Others, like my fantasy bike ride, go horribly, horribly wrong. 

I got a new bike for Mothers' Day. We just picked it out last weekend from Target. Since this summer is Operation Lose My Muffin Top, it was an appropriate purchase. Kate got a new bike helmet (which she never takes off) and a bike trailer for two to attach to my bike. This may seem like a lame gift for a 2 year old but every time I ask her what she wants she says, "Cake! Blue Dora cake!" So she is getting blue Dora cake and a bike trailer.

Anyway, my mind immediately went into fantasy mode...
Our little family was going to go on a family bike ride! My girls were going to ride happily in the bike trailer with their bike helmets. They would probably even have a 'spot of tea and crumpets' back there. Brent would be on his bike and Gilbert would be jogging nicely beside him. And we would all be happily riding off at a leisurely pace into the sunset.

Well, now I know that this is ridiculous and damn near impossible (at least with my little family). Daddy put the bike trailer together while we all waited in anticipation of our first bike ride. This was going to be our "test-ride" before our family bike ride in the evening. I put the girls in the trailer with some water and Gold-fish. I buckled on their helmets and harnessed them in. I strolled down the driveway and into the road. 

Immediately my legs started screaming at me. I know, I know, I was pulling about 50 pounds worth of kids in a trailer. But, I have a sneaking suspicion that my legs would be screaming even if I weren't pulling something...they may have waited until the end of the block though. I switched her down to first gear and slowly inched down the street. I had high hopes that we were going to make it to the CE trail and go for a nice ride. 

Then the screaming started, "NO! MINE! DEEEEE! MINE!" They were fighting over water bottles. Then Neddy got ticked and started bucking in her seat harness. She decided she didn't like being restrained. I looked back and tried to speak in a soothing voice but all that came out was, "YOU BE NICE!" Kate of course responded with, "No Mama!" and "Oh my God!" She knows that this phrase is prohibited but she also knew I couldn't reach her so she sat grinning at me and repeated the phrase. Neddy kept bucking and getting angrier and angrier until she was all red-faced, sweaty, boogery, and of course choking on her booger/Gold-fish combo. I believe the correct term is, "She was a hot mess."

I pulled over the bike and got them situated, pulled out the mushed up crackers and boogers from Neddy's mouth and did what I was threatening in my mind. I will turn this bike around and head home if you two keep this up!

We went home, had lunch, and a nice long nap before trying our actual fantasy bike ride which I was sure would go much better than the first. Because, after all, they were probably just tired. 

Well, no. They weren't just tired. Our second ride, with Daddy and Gilbert went much the same as the first. There was even some biting taking place. And Gilbert, he didn't quite know how to handle being out for a family outing so he went nuts, tried to run ahead of us then wrapped himself around Brent's bike until the chain fell off. Brent swore, kicked his bike in a tantrum and muttered something about, "Go on without me. I am going home." So we continued until I heard the ear piercing screams of, "NO DEEEE! OH MY GOD!!!! MINEEEEE!" And then the choking started again. I looked back and Kate had pulled Neddy's bike helmet over her face and Neddy was MAD! 

As I turned around, my legs cheered because they knew I was going to stop making them exercise. The congratulated my children on a job well done.

Kate keeps trying to get back in that bike trailer but I am not quite ready to tackle that again this week. 

Maybe it all went wrong because I was missing the 'spot of tea and crumpets'?

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